Title and Registration

1. There was an old man on TRAX who has crazy gray hair and a really ecclectic outfit. When heading to work on a Friday night, he asked me, "What's a young thing like you doing on a Friday night--going out to party like a rockstar?!" Uhh.... I saw him the next week, much to my dismay, and he said, "I could recognize your beautiful face and those cute glasses anywhere!"

2. When walking home, a bum shouted across the street at me, "I like your glasses!"

3. When waiting to take TRAX home from a theatre performance downtown, a drunken Native American man approached me. He kept referring to me as a man, even though I was wearing a pink shirt, pearls, and a yellow cardigan! Then he came really close to my face (about 3" away)and kept staring at me, asking me to look all the different directions. Finally, drunken man said, "I never knew how pretty you are. You look like a doe." After about 5 minutes of him telling me I looked beautiful, he asked, "Do you go to church? I want to come to church with you so you can teach me some lessons." (Wow--sexual invitation anyone?) Finally, drunken man started bargaining with me to let him borrow my cell phone. And then I just ended up walking home...

4. Last year, I couldn't seem to escape the grasps of a homeless man named Potter, or Potsie for short. No matter where I travelled throughout the Salt Lake or Utah Valleys--he was there. You may have seen him--he has a walker and a bright yellow jacket. Finally one day, I decided to eavesdrop on his conversation. And maybe I walked away with more than I bargained for. He started telling the man next to me all about the prostitute that he regularly visited. Vehemently he recalled walking in on the prostitute while she was in bed with her girlfriend. Of course, he left upset and refused to visit his whore again.

5. Coming home from the Gateway, a woman in a "Monsters, Inc." shirt got on TRAX and started making fun of these two cute Mormon housewives. She started singing "As Sisters in Zion" really creepily and off key. Then she started telling all the females to leave the LDS Church because we were going to be sucked into a life of polygamy. And yadayada, she kept screaming insults at all the LDS TRAX riders. People tried to eek out defenses, but it just fueled her. Even a skater kid who left the LDS church tried to no avail. Eventually, my roommate and I just got off TRAX and walked the rest of the way.

6. One night while eating at Beto's at 2am, a drunk man came up to my friends and I, spilling horchata on us and almost trying to force it down my throat. Sick. Reeking of cheep booze, he kept asking, "So are you like Mormon, or some shit like that?" Whatever we said, that was his response. He left for a bit and then came back and handed me a wet napkin with incoherent scribblings on it. Horchata man said that his writings had something about peace on it. Because peace totally implies harrassing unsuspecting Beto's customers.

What does this mean? I need to get a car and get ugly glasses, just to ensure my sanity.