Monday, November 10, 2008
Death of Feminism
Check it out: westpointgirlfriends.org
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Necking
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Fairy Tales
I was scared. But maybe I would be compensated with money in the end?
Monday, October 27, 2008
Highlight of Last Week
If You Want to Destroy My Letter
A few months ago, I bought cutsey envelopes at WalMart with bright colored stripes on them. I failed to notice, however, that there was no glue on them. Everytime I write a letter, I just apply handy-dandy Elmer's glue to it and let it dry. No biggie.
After writing to two missionaries and an old friend today, I ran downstairs to our bathroom to blow them dry. It wasn't until I was hovering over three glue-moistened envelopes with a blow-dryer that I realized this behavior was somewhat ridiculous.
Today's postal hoverings made me think about converting to the lame standard envelopes.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Bored Games
Group Hug--introduced to me by the lovely Elspeth
http://grouphug.us/
Overheard in New York--introduced to me by my old supervisor, Aaron
http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/
And the other "Overheard" websites, although the classic NY is still the best:
Overheard Everywhere-- http://www.overheardeverywhere.com/
Overheard in the Office-- http://www.overheardintheoffice.com/
Overheard at the Beach-- http://www.overheardatthebeach.com/
Celebrity Wit-- http://www.celebritywit.com/
Failblog, introduced to me by Kendall
http://failblog.org/
And in the Failblog family:
Rofl Razzi (making fun of celebrity)-- http://roflrazzi.com/
Totally Looks Like-- http://totallylookslike.com/
Pundit Kitchen-- http://punditkitchen.com/
Graph Jam-- http://graphjam.com/
Engrish (lovely bad English)-- http://engrishfunny.com/
For the best source of news, The Onion, courtesty of my brother.
http://www.theonion.com
(The videos and horoscopes are my personal favorite!)
Craigslist--because if you're a hippie, you've been on this website.
http://www.craigslist.org
(Best of Craigslist and Missed Connections are my favorite.)
Weekly, I check PostSecret--they're updated on Sundays.
http://postsecret.blogspot.com
And yet, with all thse websites, I get bored. Any suggestions?
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Sleepless Nights
And then-BAM!
My old habit picked up again last night--I usually use those few minutes (or hours) before I fall into sleep to worry about everything in my life. And this worry-wortness abated for a year--until last night. I just couldn't get my mind off the fact that my life isn't worthwhile at all right now. I feel compelled to create an opus, but have nothing in mind. And I have so much time on my hands and I do nothing with it.
I feel blah. And tired.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
A Brief History of Last Weekend, Abridged
Friday afternoon on TRAX, some 25 year-old (ish) creepy looking guy sits next to me. I don't think much of it and I was just texting anyway. And then--FLASH! Literally. He shows me his yo-hoo, for lack of a more family friendly term. Noticing it, I further dedicated myself to texting and my iPod. In response, he starts waving it like a conductor's wand--desperately trying anything for me to notice, to no avail. I am not one to make a scene. However, because of his little, or in all honesty, big distraction, I got off at the wrong stop and had to walk back.
People such as Flasher Guy inspire me. Who gets up in the morning and says, "I am going to flash a girl today. Yeah!" Such conviction. Don't you wish that everyone was a little more like this?
After walking home from work, I realized that my front door was locked. Not having a key, I scream profanities while beating the door with my fists. I didn't even have a cell phone to call my roommates & I had an appointment in an hour. F!
I spent a few minutes surveying the house. While I have been skilled at breaking into my own apartments in the past, a second-story townhome apartment is a different feat entirely. The only way in was through our kitchen window. Suck. I got our neighbors stool and used it to jump onto the 2 by 4 on our fence. Seeing the deep slant of our roof and taking into account my fear of heights, I clumsily got off the fence.
Round 2. I surveyed our house again, but the kitchen window again was the only option. I took the stolen stool, boosted my shaky little self onto the 2 by 4, and launched myself onto the inclined roof. Starting to slide, I grappled for anything at all. I ended up with a rusty nail, which was starting to come out. It was enough! I ran up to the windodw & with shaky arms held the window up while I climbed inside. Whew. Maybe the scariest thing of my life as of yet.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Deaf by Choice
Monday, October 6, 2008
As Sisters in Zion
Overly Modest Woman calls one day and complains--for a half hour--about how our uber modest clothing is too tight, too low, too suggestive. Too bad they weren't video phones--I would love to see that burlap bag that she must be wearing around.
Devil Woman calls one day to tell me how our clothes are of the devil, since she too believes that our clothing is immodest. Yes, my boss is Satan. You guessed right!
Dragon Lady calls in and right off the bat bombards me with every cuss word in the English language. Apparently the F-word was her favorite. After listening to her bitch me out for circa 10 minutes, she finally informed of her complaint--our gift cards. Even at that point, she was so difficult, I passed her off onto my supervisor, who in turn, got her turn of an earful.
Polygamy-o-phobia lady calls and tells me that our company is slowly leading young Mormon girls to support a life of polygamy. "I know," POP Lady says,"that you are a ploygamist. And so are your company's owners." Even after assuring her I wasn't, she said that I too was brainwashed. Because somehow our return policy is related to brainwashing and polygamy.
What did I learn from these Relief Society Sisters? Well, Overly Modest Woman, Devil Woman, Dragon Lady, and POP Lady all taught me that Mormon housewives have too much time on their hands. Please, girls, get a better hobby.
Title and Registration
2. When walking home, a bum shouted across the street at me, "I like your glasses!"
3. When waiting to take TRAX home from a theatre performance downtown, a drunken Native American man approached me. He kept referring to me as a man, even though I was wearing a pink shirt, pearls, and a yellow cardigan! Then he came really close to my face (about 3" away)and kept staring at me, asking me to look all the different directions. Finally, drunken man said, "I never knew how pretty you are. You look like a doe." After about 5 minutes of him telling me I looked beautiful, he asked, "Do you go to church? I want to come to church with you so you can teach me some lessons." (Wow--sexual invitation anyone?) Finally, drunken man started bargaining with me to let him borrow my cell phone. And then I just ended up walking home...
4. Last year, I couldn't seem to escape the grasps of a homeless man named Potter, or Potsie for short. No matter where I travelled throughout the Salt Lake or Utah Valleys--he was there. You may have seen him--he has a walker and a bright yellow jacket. Finally one day, I decided to eavesdrop on his conversation. And maybe I walked away with more than I bargained for. He started telling the man next to me all about the prostitute that he regularly visited. Vehemently he recalled walking in on the prostitute while she was in bed with her girlfriend. Of course, he left upset and refused to visit his whore again.
5. Coming home from the Gateway, a woman in a "Monsters, Inc." shirt got on TRAX and started making fun of these two cute Mormon housewives. She started singing "As Sisters in Zion" really creepily and off key. Then she started telling all the females to leave the LDS Church because we were going to be sucked into a life of polygamy. And yadayada, she kept screaming insults at all the LDS TRAX riders. People tried to eek out defenses, but it just fueled her. Even a skater kid who left the LDS church tried to no avail. Eventually, my roommate and I just got off TRAX and walked the rest of the way.
6. One night while eating at Beto's at 2am, a drunk man came up to my friends and I, spilling horchata on us and almost trying to force it down my throat. Sick. Reeking of cheep booze, he kept asking, "So are you like Mormon, or some shit like that?" Whatever we said, that was his response. He left for a bit and then came back and handed me a wet napkin with incoherent scribblings on it. Horchata man said that his writings had something about peace on it. Because peace totally implies harrassing unsuspecting Beto's customers.
What does this mean? I need to get a car and get ugly glasses, just to ensure my sanity.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
10 Things You May Have Not Known About Me
I know that it's lame, and I guess that maybe I haven't reached my right of passage, but to be honest, I don't actually care. I spent all my time when I was younger studying to get ahead rather than learning to drive. And I think that any monkey can pass the written test, so why do I have to pay good money to "study" for it? Also, I like that I get exercise and that I'm helping the environment. Go public transportation!
2. My room at home has Barbie pink walls.
No joke, guys. Bright pink walls! It also has tons of Young Women's posters, pictures of temples, and awards everywhere. If you know me know, you should find this pretty funny.
3. I am addicted to Diet Coke.
Don't know why, but it's like my life blood. Sad thing is...I didn't even hardly drink soda until I reached my addiction!
4. I love Mondrian.
I have a dress with his pattern. And I painted a bookshelf like one of his paintings. I just can't get over the simplicity and colors. I heart modernism.
5. I watch a ton of movies.
The usual is about 5 a week. Sometimes more. Thank goodness for my friend, Netflix, and those red lil' envelopes. But no chickflicks, please.
6. My greatest source of entertainment is riding Trax.
I love all the weird people I overhear! From a man giving advice to his teenage son on how to be a drug-dealer to a homeless man talking about prostitution, life can't get much better than this, just saying.
7. I am a night person.
And a heavy sleeper. My newest job is kicking my trash, however, and I've becoming a Granny and going to bed early. This is news to me after 20 years of life.
8. I wish I were more adventerous.
This summer I've gone on a 8 1/2 hour hike and gone wakeboarding. I've even perfected my longboarding skills. And yet I'm terrified of hurting myself, I hate heights, and I get hurt really, really easily. And don't worry...I cried twice on that long hike.
9. I was Prom Queen.
Okay, totally not something I like to brag about. In fact, I hate it. But I think it's interesting, mostly because it's so out of character for myself. Oh, childish high school trivialities.
10. One of my favorite activities is reading the dictionary.
Always has been. I know, weird, but who knew that Charlotte Russe--the clothing store--was named after a french dessert? I DID?! Only, of course, after I got a beloved dictionary two Christmases ago.